Perpetual Joke Thread

Bernie comes home from breakfast at the Waffle House and pulls into a parking spot at his new condo in Boca.
As he’s walking up the path, a lovely woman leans over her window sill on the third floor and calls down to him, “Hi! You must be new here! I’d love to meet you! Third floor, 3D, come up and see me sometime, in fact now is perfect!”, she adds with a wink.
“Sure!”, Bernie calls back, coming right up!
Wow! Bernie thinks! Nine holes with the guys, then a great breakfast, and now this! It’s gonna be a great day, Bernie, ya lucky guy!
He takes the elevator up and knocks on 3D.
Not only is she stunning for a senior, but she’s in a gorgeous black negligee!
“Hello!”, she says in a sultry voice, “I’m Sylvia Steinberg, and you?”
“Bernie Rosenfeld, late from Brooklyn, it’s a pleasure!”
Sylvia says, “I’m not the kind of woman who beats around the Bush, Bernie, would you mind if I hold your testicles?”
Bernie is floored! “Sure..sure…”, he stammers as he drops his pants and tighty whites!
Sylvia slinks over, and grabs one of his batsim in each hand.
Snarling, she begins to bang them together as hard as she can, yelling, “Don't. You. Ever. Park. In. My. Space. Again!”
 
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Nothing to see here, just a pair of strippers
 

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Having to sell my guitar strings, they do not fit the new one....$20 OBO
 

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Bill wakes up with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, and clean.
So’s the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.”
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Bill asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”
Confused, Bill asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, “Lady leave me alone, I’m married!”
 
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