By Al Cook
Well, it's the last week of May 2003. Did you see me at the Waterdown Car show/swapmeet? No? I was there. Unfortunately, I drove my glorious 1996 Ford Contour. The original goal of having the Killer Koupe ready for the 24th of May was missed.
In our last installment, we left off with reassembling the chassis, finishing the brake lines and reinstalling the body plus a multitude of other seemingly trivial tasks. I am glad to say these jobs are complete. Well, at least a few of them are.
During the last few weeks, the smallest jobs have turned out to be the most arduous. Installing a parking brake? Hardly a breeze. If I were buying new parts from Lokar, it would be simple. But remember, I am keeping a low budget on this build-up and Lokar parts just do not fit into my snack bracket. The foot operated parking brake was relieved from Don McCartney's endless supply of spare parts. More about Don later……..
Let's
get specific about some of those small, trivial jobs that take forever.
How about fitting the body to the chassis trying to make sure the doors
and rumble seat lid close and open like they did when the car rolled off
the line in 1936 at Henry Ford's River Rouge assembly plant in Detroit.
Fitting the body to the chassis is more art than science. It takes patience
(something I am running a deficit in) and finesse. Lifting one side of
the body here puts the door out of whack there. Running to fix the out-of-whack
door puts the rumble seat lid out of kilter here. Back and forth, back
and forth. I am beginning to feel like the ball in a 6-year-old boy's
soccer game. That includes getting hit in the head a few times from rising
too quickly from under the car.
Okay, now I have the throttle cable lined up with the throttle pedal. Now it's a matter of inserting the cable into the do-dad that is connected to the carburetor. Carefully lift the Allen key that has the nearly invisible set screw attached and begin tightening into the do-dad. Careful, careful, slowly lower the Allen key and DROP the setscrew into the vast oblivion that is known as the cement floor beneath the car. Search endlessly for 2 hours all the while thinking that you're never going to get this blessed Killer Koupe on the road.
To solve this problem, another necessary trip to man's Greatest Nirvana; the nut and bolt section of Home Depot. I could spend hours just looking at the assortment of nuts and bolts they carry………..thinking, that at some point in my life, I am going to need every single item they keep in inventory. It's a fact of life for a man. We are from Mars you know.
Since I am not exactly positive of the size of that wayward, invisible set screw, I had better buy three different sizes, just in case. If you are a man, I know you understand this phenomenon.
Since this is a low-buck build-up, and a Lokar brake pedal and a complete pedal system from Master Power Brakes isn't in the budget, a brake pedal from Don McCartney's computerized Spare Parts Inventory Bin, located on the second floor of the clubhouse, is procured. Okay, not procured. Snatched is more like it.
Modifying
a brake pedal could be a risky venture. One of the last things you want
to fail as you are flying down the 401 on your way to the Canadian Street
Rod and Custom Car Nationals is your brakes. If not modified correctly,
one good jab at the pedal and it could snap off and you'll be saying 401
Hail Mary's as you slowly drift to the shoulder.
In walks my Hail Mary in the form of Don McCartney. A long time member
of the Roadmates, Don is highly skilled in the fabrication of something
from nothing. He has built, or had a hand in building, some of the finest
street rods ever to leave the Roadmates building.
To make the brake pedal fit, we first had to add an extension onto it.
Remember, this pedal is from some unknown make and model of a car Don
scrapped. A suitable extension was found in the scrap metal barrel and
I was on my way. With Don's guidance, the pedal was bent, shaped and coerced
into fitting nicely beside the steering column. Of course I am making
this sound simple. I was in and out of the car fitting the pedal more
often that flies buzz in and out of an outhouse. Not only is the pedal
extension welded, it is also double-bolted as well. I don't want any unexpected
failures with my kids riding with me.
As
of the 1st week of May, I still had a list of 25 things to finish. Any
hope I had of making Waterdown was now beginning to fade. What the heck
though, without goals we have no direction in life.
One particular Saturday, after I installed the steering column and seat,
I realized I felt like I was hugging the dash. The seat would definitely
have to be moved back; an item that wasn't on the list. So, another day
was spent installing and removing the seat a number of times. One small
change cascades into a myriad of other modifications. Moving the seat
back required the package shelf to be shortened. Shortening the package
shelf required some modification of the interior panels.
The list IS getting shorter. The major items on the list now include the steering u-joints, driveshaft, wiring and exhaust. The exhaust will be shopped out to Paul Spiers and if I fail at the wiring attempt, it will be shopped out to Bruce Willis. The rest is up to me.
I occasionally have to call in my "Special Teams", just like a football coach does. My special team member for dismantling anything or moving something is Rick Norton. I swear Rick could have an entire car dismantled by the time I take looking for my half-inch box-end wrench. My special team member for chassis work is Henry Murray. Henry is an artist at making cardboard mock-ups. My special team member for fabrication of intricate details is Don McCartney. Remember, Don can make something from nothing. Special team member for paint is none other that Little Dougie. He is an artist with a squirt gun. Besides, he likes the fumes. Other special team members without assigned duties are Bill Tibbles, Craig Murray, Greg Robertson and Nick Minialoff. Overall personal coach and my third hand is Stuart "Mitch" Mitchell. Jeff Norwell made parts donations to the Killer Koupe fund. Duke Brown provided the skilled welding to the oh-so-critical front cross member. Thanks to all.
If all goes according to plan, this should be the final installment of Killer Koupe. The next article you will see is just a picture of me cruising down the road with a smile as broad as Rosie O'Donnell's butt. Till then, wish me luck.
Kookie Killer logo by Jeff Norwell